As usual, I was hyper focused on school this semester. Everything worked out well in that department, and the semester wrapped up with a 4.05 GPA, bumping my overall GPA up to a 3.97. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – academics have become my arena for competition now that I no longer compete in sports. Scoring high on an exam, setting a curve, or receiving praise from an instructor is my way of winning tournaments or being seeded at the top of a bracket. I haven’t lost my competitive nature, I’ve just channeled it elsewhere post-sport era.
I had the opportunity to take several courses relating to healthcare administration this semester, which were a blast. It was within these courses that my interests in research were highlighted even more so than ever before. I’ve also spent more time exercising this semester than I have in the past several years, and while I am (DEFINITELY) not the strongest person in the gym, I take pride in marking off the number of days that I work out each week in my calendar.
I may not play tennis or do the same things that I used to do before my surgeries, but I can still do so many things, and that’s important for me to realize. While part of life after all of my medical experiences is adjusting to the medications, need for extra sleep, and increased interest in brain tumor research, it’s also remembering that not everything is different. Many things are still the same. I’m still figuring my life out just like any other college student. And, the best part is that my concerns and dreams are starting to expand out even further past three or five years to ten years and beyond. I never would have thought that having concerns about the future would be a good thing, but when you used to spend every waking moment worrying about if you’re going to be alive next week, being able to worry about where you’re going to be living in 10 years is a strangely nice worry to have. My next MRI scan is in August, I’m starting to feel like everything in my life has hit a stride that makes sense. The only thing that could really go wrong in it right now is another brain tumor popping up, and, I’m really not planning on that happening!
I am spending my summer in the Child Development Lab here on campus and in the Child Life department at the children’s hospital I was at last summer, as well as continuing to conduct interviews for and work on writing my thesis. It has been incredible to hear families tell me their stories and have them open up to me in the ways that they have. What parents have said is what has stuck with me the most, though. I think that this may be because as much as I have asked my parents what it was like for them during the worst of my surgeries, testing, etc., they couldn’t have truly opened up to me because they were still trying to protect me. The parents that I’m interviewing have no reason to omit information and protect me from anything, though. I think back on when my dad first took the bandage off of my head after surgery and how he told me that it didn’t look “that bad,” and how I believed him. He went on to tell me months later that it looked absolutely horrifying, and how my mom almost threw up it was so bad. In that moment and upon first sight, my dad just wanted me to know that even though I had just had a life-altering and major surgery, something as irrelevant to my future as a scar was the last thing I needed to be worried about.
I’m also writing personal statements and applying to graduate schools where I’m hoping to pursue a master’s in social work with a health specialization. I have another exciting opportunity involving writing, research, community building, precision medicine and cancer care, but I can’t say what it is quite yet!